Sepp Blatter, FIFA President, is a wanted man today. Not because people want to buy him a drink, or break bread with him, or engage him in smalltalk - he's a wanted man because he is regarded in England and Mexico as a twat of the highest order.
A rash judgement perhaps?
Oh no. At least not as far as supporters of England or Mexico are concerned. And the reason for such hostility?
Sepp Blatter decided in his infinite wisdom that technology has no place in football.
The biggest game on the planet, a multi-billion dollar global industry, and two colossal World Cup fuck ups in successive games, and against all advice, Blatter deems technology unnecessary.
Case 1 - England v Germany. A Frank Lampard shot clearly crosses the goal line by a yard. Everybody in the stadium, and millions of TV viewers see that it's a goal. It doesn't stand, because Blatter does, like a particularly arrogant cock.
Case 2 - Mexico v Argentina. A clearly offside goal is allowed to stand. Why? Because Blatter decrees that he makes the rules.
The correct decisions would probably not have had much influence in the outcome of the games in question, as in both instances, the better team won - but supporters probably wouldn't be half as pissed off with Blatter as they are. Stupid arrogant man that he is.
As Ipswich Town and England fan, Worzel Haystacks told our reporter:
"We needs that technology. That Blatter be a right awkward old bastard. Lamps's goal was clearly over the line. I'll tell ee this - if that bastard Blatter turns up on moi land I'll chain the bugger to a tractor wheel and grind him to a pulp."
A FIFA spokesman commented that he had no idea what we were going on about, and that everything in the garden is rosy.
Yeah. Right.
More in four years.
