MANGAUNG-BLOEMFONTEIN, South Africa - Fabio Capello, the Italian coach of the British Football Team was asked why his team lost to the German team.
Capello shook his head and said that it was not his fault. He said that there are some very good reasons why his team lost to the Germans 4-1.
First of all Capello said that none of the five referees spoke fluent English and as a result they were not able to adequately convey the needed instructions to the British footballers.
He then said that several of his players had stomach aches from having eaten elephant burgers from an all night diner in Mangaung-Bloemfontein.
Capello was asked what had happened to the English star Wayne Rooney who has not had a goal in seven matches. Fabio said that Rooney told him that his hair keeps getting in his face and he was having a hard time completely seeing the ball.
English Captain Steven Gerrard said that he was being bothered by a paper cut that he had received to his left ear lobe, which he got while reading the current copy of National Geographic.
Ashley Cole was asked what in the world was affecting his sub-par performance. He said that he was actually playing quite well considering the fact that when he is on the field all he could think about was that American dancer, Derek Hough putting the salami to his soon-to-be-ex-wife Cheryl Cole.
Chelsea star John Terry said that there was just way too much behind the scenes activities going on which distracted a majority of the players.
When asked what activities had distracted the British players, Terry replied, "Well there was the Gathering of The Elephant Tusks Ritual that went on from 10 p.m. until 4 a.m. one evening.
He noted that there was also The Celebration Homage to The Dwarf Mongoose which was so loud that people in the next town even complained.
Other events that caused a tremendous distraction were The Dance of The Hunting Jackal Jubilee, The Ceremony Honoring The Bearded Woodpecker, and the nightly open mike at the team's hotel comedy club, The Laughing Hyena.
But Coach Fabio Capello, perhaps more than anyone else with an excuse, hit the damn nail on the head. He simply said that the reason that his team lost was because of the annoyingly incessant noise emanating from the 15,000 mother effen South African vuvuzelas.
SIDENOTE: Rumors of Coach Capello resigning have proven to be false. Rumors of his being tarred and feathered and shipped back to Italy are pretty damn much sitting at 50-50.
