James Hetfield, leader singer of Metallica, has announced that the band will release a new album this summer. “Metallica Sings Mother Goose!” That’s right, Metallica will be doing all-heavy metal versions of your favourite nursery rhymes. “H…
I wanna go to a metal party Bang my head, love the dead Drink a little Jack Get a tattoo Wear a lotta black Find a white trash screw Heavy metal vomit party Is where I wanna be To let my hair hang loose And let my anger run free If I can’…
Whips and chains Going insane Worship the devil Hes on the level Live the taboo Makes a better screw Metal stud Its in your blood Homoerotic heavy metal Boys only Especially if they’re lonely Homoerotic heavy metal Join the cult of the…
Ozzy Osbourne has been thinking about his old country. Hollywood is a-buzz thinking that Ozzy may head back to the Merry Ole England to invade London and become the Prime Minister. His campaign world tour and slogan will be: “Hop On Ozzy’s Crazy T…
I had a dream about the ghost of Kyiv, and how he will be sorely missed. But then the dream showed me a new hope (not a Star Wars franchise). I remember seeing Iron Maiden in concert and thought, “Wait a minute! Frontman, Bruce Dickinson is not ju…
Now that Bono and The Edge (are those people?) have sung songs in a subway in Kyiv, other musicians want in on the fight for Ukraine against Russia. (Neither nation is known for their music, though the rebellious Pussy Riot from Russia are totally aw…
(UNEDITED) Corona postponements have given new life to a hordes of Heavy Metal Head Bangers desperate to bang their heads in anyway possible, including holding mini-versions of the German Wacken Metal Festival, largest on the planet, in neighbours'…
The Office for National Statistics have identified more than seven million five hundred thousand genres/sub-genres of Heavy Metal, some of which is music. Geoff, a manager at the ONS, in charge of the entertainment/music/popular/rock/heavy-metal…
DUBLIN – Doolin Tipperary, the lead singer with the Irish heavy metal band formerly known as C-19, says the band has officially changed its name, and now goes by the name WD-40. “Tip”, as his bandmates and fans call him, said that when the band wa...
Nashville, Tennessee, musician Wes Woodward has a tough time categorizing the music created by his band Meridional Pyre, but he is very clear that it is most definitely not country music. "I'd say it's best described as southern Gothic with black...
While known for his crooning, picking, and twanging, country music megastar Ridge Lawson recently admitted that in his down time, he can't get enough of death metal band Slayer. "Fuck, they just really do it for me," said Lawson, briefly but unapo...
Former Black Sabbath frontman, Ozzie Osbourne, has had to cancel a tour of Australia, New Zealand and Japan, after complications he experienced whilst trying to swallow a frog. Osbourne, 70, achieved notoriety in 1981, when he bit the head off a d...
Auntie Sandra Levi, High Priestess of The Church of Satan, filed a lawsuit this week alleging that rock band Led Zeppelin plagiarized the copyrighted liturgy of her church. "When they recorded the subliminal Satanic lyrics in Stairway to Heaven, t...
Local metal band "Hardly What The Name Indicates" now struggling with identity crisis after being told by fans they were "too predictable," and "not br00tal enough". The band is known for generic blast beats, highly technical arrangements, and impos...
WASHINGTON-On Monday, Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts announced that he and the other justices will take a break from hearing oral arguments and focus on their music, or as Roberts calls it, "The Pain." The 5-4 decision came after six mon...
Jason Creel of Deth Knell says he had an epiphany three years ago in a Little Rock motel and since then his relationship with Satan, the embodiment of all evil in the world, has never been the same. "Let me put it this way," he said while sitting...
Doctor Phil's son Jordan has joined a metal band with which he ridicules his father. It is apparent. 'My band Philophile's first album is about Doctor Phil in general,' says the "Doctor's" son, Jordan. 'Yea I tried growing my hair out long but th...
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