Now that Bono and The Edge (are those people?) have sung songs in a subway in Kyiv, other musicians want in on the fight for Ukraine against Russia. (Neither nation is known for their music, though the rebellious Pussy Riot from Russia are totally awesome and should be released from the gulag. Long live the Pussy Riot!)
Bob Geldof, who hasn’t been seen or heard from since he organized the Live Aid concerts in 1985 for famine relief in Ethiopia, was contacted to see if he could organize a concert of musicians to help destroy the Russian army. One person overheard, possibly Geldof, saying that
“For a war to be fought by musicians, you need war music.”
(Actually, it could’ve been his maid or butler. This was on a Monday, which he still hates ‘cuz it pays the bills.)
The only truly war music, of course, is heavy metal. So far fifty heavy metal bands have signed up to destroy Russia with some kick-ass rock and roll.
Through rapid-fire power cords and mind-blowing drum solos, the weird and evil-looking metal musicians will deal a severe blow to the morale of the Russians.
Rumor has it that the hardest of the hardcore forms of metal, Norwegian Black Metal, will be lending their deep growls and high-pitched screeches to the effort.
Gogoroth, Ragnarok, Darkthrone, Kampfar and Dimmu Borgir are soon to be contacted to deliver some seriously fucked up sounds to blow the eardrums and brains of all Russian soldiers, and to inspire Ukrainian freedom fighters to KILL KILL KILL KILL!
Get ready for the ride of a lifetime – a war concert during a war in a war zone!
Have a seat, Beyoncé ... you’re pretty little pop tunes are no match for ... HEAVY METAL THUNDER!
