Country Music Star Admits to Being Secret Slayer Fan

Written by Chrissy Benson

Sunday, 7 April 2019

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His country songs may be wholesome, but Ridge Lawson's got a darker musical side.

While known for his crooning, picking, and twanging, country music megastar Ridge Lawson recently admitted that in his down time, he can't get enough of death metal band Slayer.

"Fuck, they just really do it for me," said Lawson, briefly but unapologetically deviating from mainstream country music industry norms prohibiting swearing. "I mean, who hasn't fantasized about screwing a corpse? We don't talk about it, but we all think about it. Show me someone who doesn't, and I'll show you someone who's not a red-blooded American man. Slayer just names it."

Lawson also noted the ways in which Slayer's gruesome tunes represent a refreshing departure from his own more emotional work "My songs are all so wholesome and sad and pitiful," said Lawson. "I dig hearing just a shitload of twisted screaming about darkness and hating everyone."

With a wink, he added, "Please don't tell my fans I said that. I love you all!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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