Metallica Sings Mother Goose

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Sunday, 5 March 2023

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Groom Your Kids in the Crib for Heavy Metal Awesomeness!

James Hetfield, leader singer of Metallica, has announced that the band will release a new album this summer.

“Metallica Sings Mother Goose!”

That’s right, Metallica will be doing all-heavy metal versions of your favourite nursery rhymes.

“Hickory Dickory Dock – Heavy Metal’s Gonna Fuck You Up!”

“Four and Twenty Blackbirds – Gonna Tear Your Eyes Outa Your Skull!”

“Jack’s Got the Biggest Beanstalk”

“Itsy Bitsy Spider Spinning Its Web Over My Dead Body”

“Jack Be Nimble … and Kill ‘Em All!”

“Jack and Jill Having A Turbo-Charged Thrill”

“Little Bo Peep Likes to Fuck While You’re Asleep”

And many many more! Your kids will be fucked up or really cool when they grow up, so why not start off their education while they’re in the crib?

Crank the Metallic nursery rhymes and get ready to have Satan as your baby!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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