They say New Year’s Eve in New York is special. Well, this one was, that’s for sure. At least for me. I stare down at the stained blue rug. The corpse has been wheeled out to the mortuary van, but the chalk outline of the literary critic’s tortured body remains as a creepy reminder for me and the other ten members of my writing club. The clock is striking twelve; the New Year has begun. But s...
In a dramatic contest of wit, might, and tactical maneuvering, 17-year-old Kurt Johansen of Charleston, South Carolina, persevered and ultimately prevailed against a three-year-old buck who’d been arrogantly roaming the forest, considering the thickl...
British tabloid newspapers have been fuming this week over the story that police went to the trouble of investigating a burglar killed while breaking into a home. Career criminal Jeff Swag, 47, was stabbed to death by homeowner Geoffroy House as he t...
According to an internet report, residents of Menace, Minnesota, passed an ordinance making drone hunting legal. This intrigued me, so I placed a call to the mayor of Menace. "Mr. Mayor," I said, " tell me about your plan to hunt drones." "Well, it's really pretty simple. "We are going to issue hunting licenses and then shoot those intrusive little bastards out of the sky."...
An even more violent and ruthless terrorist group "Shazaam" released a video today calling ISIS members "Punks" and "Pussy Boys". The twenty minute video showed the groups leader, tearing off the head of a captured ISIS fighter and then eating s...
It appears the Congress would be better off banning carpenters tools than making rifles illegal. Statistics released by the FBI reveal that in 2005 the number of people murdered with a rifle was 445 while carpenters and handymen and ball players k...
Sibling rivalry and bird shit If you are anything at all like me (thank God if you're not!), there are days when you just know something is going to fall out of the sky and it is going to land on you, personally, out of all the billions of people on the planet. Yesterday, I spent the entire day in a building devoted to keeping records that only people like me have any interest or reason to...
Okay, here's the thing, I always want to be a serial killer but never had the stomach for it. Don't ask me why. The only answer I can come up with is because of the way they are glamorized in the news and on television these days. That and, you know how we all fantasize about killing people that just plain piss us off? Well, I could never come up with ways that would be suitable to me. I mean, I r...
You have 1 new friend request from Barry. You have 1 new message from Barry, sent 1 Feb 18:35. hello mate its me barry. remember we was at school together. remember that one time we flushed your trousers down the toilet that was facking hilarious. then that other time you and biffer got into a fight and he beat the crap out of you. good times anyways im in town and i need somewhere to crash...
New York, NY - The U.N. has proclaimed that effective today, no animals will be slaughtered with barbaric and painful mechanical means, such as shooting in the head. Animals will be slaughtered sweetly. Ms. Beeker, our correspondent at the U.N. r...
New York City - "We may not have won the World Series or even the pennant this year, but we sure as hell took care of that Gaddafi douche bag." So said New York Yankees Manager Joe Girardi in describing how a man in a Yankees cap fired the fatal b...
Moe Darcher, age 27 and a Call Of Duty fanatic stormed into a small office building down the street from his upstate New York house. He had an Ak-47, two desert eagles, and two grenades. He killed everyone he saw, and the total number of bodies found...
An informer who broke ranks with a highly respected bird charity has been revealing the dark secrets of how the organisation covertly slaughtered millions of birds it was supposed to be protecting. According to Joey Calipso, the charity lost its w...
Orinoco, the sleep loving Womble from Wimbledon Common, has been arrested and detained on suspicion of murder, after failing a routine drink driving test. The pointy nosed litter picker was stopped just outside Epping forest for driving erraticall...
The Hon Tom Cholmondeley (pronounced Chumley) was found guilty of manslaughter by a Kenyan court judge, who had reduced the charges from an initial accusation of murder. Cholmondeley, an Old Rottingfestarian and heir to a 49,000 acre estate lived...
It was another good day in Boogertown this morning because all 2362 residents made it through the night unkilled. "It's always good when the people of Boogertown aren't killed," stated Boogertown mayor Ava Hills. "One day just last year someon...
In a move certain to raise eyebrows in the House of Lords, the Government have announced that from Saturday they will start to cull the stupidest 25% of the adult population. "The great unwashed, the workshy and people who are just plain ignorant...
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