Another London teen muder - not gang related...honest!

Funny story written by The Big C O Jones

Friday, 24 October 2008

image for Another London teen muder - not gang related...honest!

An innocent teenager was stabbed to death today in London who had absolutely no connection to anything whatsoever - especially not all those gangs he used to hang around with.

Amacoontoo Mugsgranies from Crapsville, London was walking along the road doing nothing to no-one (honest governor) and simply looked at a random person who then chased him and stabbed him to death for no reason.

The teen from any shit estate you want to pick from was jokingly bunking off school and helping local pensioners home by taking their shopping and belongings (and running away with them) - his pig ignorant mother Densasa Fukinpeasashit insists 'to make their journey more hassle free'.

Fukinpeasashit, who has 28 children by 37 different fathers said of the dead teenager (after untying the plastic tube and removing the needle from her arm) '...he was a good boy, always got me anything I needed although I knew he missed school, didn't have a job, drove a top of the range Mercedes, had the nickname of 'de'Enforcer', had lots of rank junkie girlfriends who he used to beat up and call his street bitches and was known to associate with a violent gang....but he was never part of all that, he was just a good boy who wanted to be the a barrister, doctor and the first living saint to land on the moon...and if he hadn't cruelly been taken from me for 'looking' at somebody - he could have done all of that.

Police are treating the death as a racist murder just in case as they are too shit scared to look at this type of gang on gang crime objectively anymore for the risk of being accused of some institutional plot so want to cover all angles.

A senior officer for the Met Force said ...'This is a terrible crime that has torn a family apart....oh fu*k it, when the fu*k are the people of this country going to understand that this is ALL gang related and that the more they wipe out of each other the better...while everybody is too scared to challenge these gangs as they are either going to get their faces kicked-in or if they touch them, they will be jailed as a result we are fighting a losing battle....fu*k this job, I quit'.

Fukinpeasashit has already lodged a claim for compensation and is planning to sue the police before they have started the investigation irrespective of the outcome.

The site of the slain innocent teenage has been deluged with flowers in tribute be honest, gang members who swear revenge on his killer and their gang. Flowers have been tied to a lamppost and the usual ranting by a local councillor promising to do something about this type of crime (just before election time) went unsurprisingly ignored.

A march with people holding banners saying things like 'no to knives' and 'why?' is to be held at some time to be confirmed later...although this is likely to have minimal impact in regard to future gang related crime.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more