Kim Jong Un is the leader of his own country – bitches! – and he wants the world to know it and pay him some respect instead of looking at him like he’s a lost boy loser without friends and nowhere to go. He can’t even move around the world more than Putin – and the World Court doesn’t even want to arrest Kim, as far as anyone knows.
So Kim (Or Kimmy da Funk, as he has forced his population to call him now) has talked to a Hollywood stylist-to-the-stars, Raoul Krimp, about Kim’s “look”. Which did not go over well, but it was a Zoom call, so the dictator couldn’t nuke the stylist.
The main problem was Kim’s hair.
“It’s just too, too, lifeless. It sits there like a dead crow hanging limp over his head – I had to do something drastic!” Krimp said.
Various hair styles were offered. The Rand Paul looked good for a second, then Kim thought about the Rod Stewart, then the Trump, then something from French Gay Erotic Underground Theatre … where was Krimp getting these suggestions? It took weeks until Kim decided to keep his hair, saying that if he chose it, then it must be good.
His sister, the Dictatoress, said she liked her brother’s hair just as it was since it looked the same as the mop on their baby’s head.
Kim and his sister had a baby? And this reporter thought this story was just about a bad haircut! Seems the Dick of North Korea has been busy at his latest family reunion, where everyone has an ugly haircut, and the inbreeding is keeping the Northern leader in his own national prison.
On a side note: there are openings for barbers in North Korea, so please apply and show pictures of your best haircuts, and Kim will decide whether to hire you or if he still thinks he and his baby have great dead crows sagging over their skulls.
