What Does the Evil Eye See?

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Thursday, 5 January 2023

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Sauron Must Destroy What He Sees! Democracy!!!!!

What do the Russians or Chinese see when Americans, or any democracy, votes?

Sure, the American Republican party is the best comedy on TV right now, since they cannot vote for one of their own. It’s like watching an episode of Survivor, except there, people were able to vote for one of them to get the fuck off the island.

And Russians and Chinese both love to criticize their enemies as their enemies love to criticize them. Everyone wants to brag that they have the best ‘civilized’ society on the planet. But when one does something that the other cannot do, do mouths shut up?

The Russian news commentators (you know, you’ve seen them, joyless, never smiling, heads like concrete blocks, bad hair, vodka-bloated noses and pock-marked cheeks from too much Siberian prison torture) watch American news … what can they possibly say?

“We elect Putin much quicker than these pig-dog Americans elect one of theirs! What a ridiculous nation is this America. Let us laugh and toast Putin!”

But Russia, wake up – you don’t elect anyone. There is no vote. Alexei Navalny is still being killed slowly by Putin’s regime, so there can be no “other side” in Russian politics. A one-sided nation is called a what, kids? “Total .. itar … ian … crap factory.”

So when you have a shitty form of government, like fascism, then how can you criticize anyone else and their shitty voting system? It’s like a legless man railing against an Olympic sprinter for not lifting his knees high enough.

The democratic tribe has spoken. Russia and China, neither of you can talk, not because you don’t have opinions, but because your leaders have taken away your voices.

Cut to commercial.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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