Renowned Scientists And Fabulous Hairdressers Reveal The Truth; The Man-Bun Is Deadly!

Funny story written by Stefano M. Stefano

Saturday, 8 January 2022

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Ostracised; all for the want of a haircut.

Scientist from the U.S., Europe, and Oakville, Ontario, Canada have joined forces with their hairdressing counterparts to warn the world at large that the scourge of the 21st century, the dopey-looking, douchie hairstyle known as 'The Man-Bun' is not only asinine in appearance, but it's appearance in public could be deadly.

Professor Jepeto Innochio of Atlanta has raised the alarm with his best friend, hairdresser Cletus Magnifico, the originator of the dreaded Man-Bun.

"I noticed a change in Cletus's demeanor," the Professor admitted, "once he began to see several men, then dozens, and hundreds, and finally thousands wearing what he'd called his 'drunken stupor aberration of hairstyling and questionable edibles.' He was upset who won 'RuPaul's Drag Race' a few years back, and in a violent, drugged-out rage he convinced many of his customers to don the idiotic-looking style! But, it was just supposed to be a gag, people! He didn't think you'd take him seriously!"

"And for that I am sorry," Magnifico revealed, strangely possessing no hair whatsoever anywhere on his body.

The Man-Bun makes seemingly normal adult men appear to have been assaulted by their grandmothers, who have pulled their hair back and tied it into a ball or bun, like their 85-year old Nanas. Why any self-respecting male would want to look like a 65-year old female librarian is anybody's guess.

The deadly element occurs, according to scientist and professional mailbox photographer Innochio, when innocent bystanders accidentally come within range of a Man-Bun assault.

"What happens when someone driving a car sees a goof with a Man-Bun walking down a street? He or she turns their head, screams 'What the flip is that?!', and they get into an accident! What happens when a a woman sees her blind-date donning a Man-Bun? She chokes on her drink and ends up in an ambulance! What happens when parents see their son wearing a goofy Man-Bun for the first time? They kick the dummy out of the house, but Dad goes for one more kick, misses, and falls down the stairs! Next stop; the funeral home!"

Magnifico has now gone into hiding, and has vowed that his hairdressing brotherhood will make amends by refusing to serve Man-Bun fetishists, or style male hair to look like Nonna Maria from the Old Country. In the meantime, be on the look out and don't be distracted by the absurd hairstyles. Just look away! For the love of God...look away!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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