In a shocking twist, aliens say humans don't exist!

Funny story written by Earthvessel

Sunday, 13 June 2021

image for In a shocking twist, aliens say humans don't exist!
It's actually pretty crowded out there in the real world! Art by crowded-teeth on Deviant Art

As we anticipate the official congressional report in a few days, in-the-know government sources have leaked large segments of the report. The news is shocking beyond anything anyone imagined!

We've learned that ET spokespersons have been communicating with government representatives over the past 65 years. During that time, we humans have learned, among many other things, some stunning news that explains why the all the secrecy was necessary.

The ETs have told us that we do not in fact exist! They say our whole experience is fabricated by a simulation game popular with a certain segment of ET youth. All our experiences and memories that produce in us, a belief of our own existence, are actually created within the simulation by advanced ET players!

This will of course will mean radical changes here - on Earth? Not sure if we can still put it that way in fact, but we will get back to you on that as soon as we figure it out.

Among other things learned are the following:
There are over 7,500 types of alien species inhabiting many thousands more planets.

The first version of the humanity simulation - or "sim" was created approximately 13,000 years ago. A second much more advanced version replaced it 4,240 years ago Then the sim was corrupted by a renegade youth around 3,100 years ago. After multiple failed attempts at repairing v2, it was scrapped a much improved and more resilient v3 was released just under 2890 years ago. That's the version we are part of today.

Alien spokespeople also confirmed our sim is designed to make our universe appear desolate, as though we are alone. They report that actual space is quite congested with thousands of alien species zipping about in various spiffy crafts.

The source also reported that the recent calamity in our world was created when a new player took over the simulation approximately seven years ago. The player, identified as Numo, said he was committed to "continually shaking things up." He also added "Otherwise what's the point?"

Stay tuned for more detail.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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