Jeff Bezos's underpaid employees say his space flight will be 100% safe

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Sunday, 13 June 2021

image for Jeff Bezos's underpaid employees say his space flight will be 100% safe
Just like the Amazon river, Amazon the company is also full of parasites that will swim up your penis and suck your blood

He is the man who looks like the egg laid by Scrooge McDuck. Amazon boss Jeff Bezos, the world's richest arsehole, announced this week that he will be taking a trip into space on the very first flight of his ship the Blue Orifice.

The spaceship is named after how he likes to treat his employees. "If it's not blue by the time I've finished with them, then I haven't done my job properly," he explained.

Bezos made his billions by his unique management philosophy, which he describes in his book, "Screw Everyone". He pays his employees below the minimum wage using tax loopholes, and forces Amazon suppliers to lower their prices so much that only companies that use slave labour can afford it.

Now Bezos is trying to move into the space sector, using a rocket built by Mexican child labourers and designed by a team of exiled North Korean graduate students who were paid in milk and internet.

Bezos's grand idea is that people on the Moon will be able to order anything they want with same-day delivery. The first test flight is due to launch next month, and Bezos plans to be on board.

"We were very pleased to hear he would be on the flight," grinned overworked rocket engineer Kim Geoff-Un. "I've been working at this company for five years, where I also sleep. They work us even harder than they did in Korea."

When asked if he had any worries about the safety of the rocket, Geoff-Un smiled and said, "Oh, we've been inspecting the rocket very carefully. We're sure that Mr Bezos will have a once-in-a-lifetime trip."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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