(NOT EDITED) Aliens inhabiting planets in our solar system are up-in-arms (We don't quite know how many arms aliens have) because they believe the Mars landing was a fake, massive publicity stunt, sponsored by a transvestite Bounty-Hunter smelling of chocolate and wearing a coconut hula-hula skirt!
Messages from outer space have been received at Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) 'Spaced-Out-Dept' led by renowned, alienated Alien called, Alf, who has six stomachs and devours Kit Kats with impunity!
Jaggedone, snickering, will now divulge these top-deep-space-secrets to earthly inhabitants received from hidden aliens orbiting the sun on their planets.
BEWARE: Readers of these messengers are in deep-spaced-out-danger if they believe one word of them! However, telling the truth can be even more dangerous!
Here we go:
Jupiter-ians have launched a protest claiming Mars is only filled with stodgy choccy and toffee, not Martians, and promise to bombard Area 51 with showers of their famous Beer called, Jupiler, brewed with Brussel Sprouts!
Neptun-ians are sending an army of Greek Zombies led by their god, Neptune, to prove Greek mythology is not Fake News, but Martian existence certainly is!
Saturn-ians have launched a massive-nuclear-dust-attack on planet Earth jettisoned from the ring protecting their planet just in case there really are Martians!
Venus-ians are dispatching an army of lesbian virgins to earth, untouched by Martian hands, and Allah's too, to prove to earthlings extra-terrestrial life is much more sophisticated than googling porno on the internet!
Ur-Anus-ians, will invade earth with an army of bum-bangers frightening the life out of hetero's who only enter from the front because Martians, if there are any, just like Spartans, enter from any direction on offer!
Mercur-ians are sending a white-hot platoon of Rambo's to NASA HQ! They will melt any future attempt to waste billions and billions of US tax-payers hard-earned bucks in an attempt to find out if there is life on Mars!
Jaggedone, is now recovering from a 'spaced-out-trip' to Amsterdam where he over-dosed on LSD in an attempt to cure his slipped disc sponsored by Elon Musk.
In utter gratitude for writing this garbage supporting the LOAPMM (Life On All Planets Matter Movement), aliens from all planets, apart from Martians, have offered him diplomatic immunity on any planet he chooses. Sadly, Utopia is not on their list!