Masturbating now accepted as a healthy pastime during lockdown!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Saturday, 27 February 2021

image for Masturbating now accepted as a healthy pastime during lockdown!
No problem! Have a quickie in-between, the missus won't mind she can find her toy-boys on the internet!

(NOT EDITED) Scientist studying anti-social human behaviour during lockdown have discovered that many taboo habits should now be fully accepted as NORMAL (Whatever that is!).

The study looked at all age categories from teeny to OAP and came up with the following ex-taboo habits which are now fully acceptable in our daily lives, and here they are:

a) Picking one's nose in public or restaurants, once frowned upon, is now acceptable because there is no public, or restaurants open!

b) Touching up young, buxom waitresses rear-ends at the Munich Beer Festival is no longer an offence because there is no massive annual piss-up in Munich!

c) Crapping on the bog in public conveniences with an open door is now fully normal due to social-distancing allowing only one crapper to enter at a time!

d) Calling transvestites, a bunch of 'Fannies' in public is now allowed because with social-distancing one cannot tell the difference anyway unless one has a telescope and detects an Adams Apple or five!

e) Spitting in public whilst wearing a mask is OK as long as the spit ejected is not aimed at the floor but sucked in by the mask and recycled.

f) Farting loud in a shopping precinct, pub, or restaurant, has become quite normal because the places are empty anyway, so stinking the place out is quite acceptable! Only in hospitals or doctor's waiting rooms is loud farting forbidden, but silent-deadly ones are OK as long as one is not embarrassed and, one's face doesn't turn red. However, that cannot happen because other patients cannot see a red face behind the mask!

g) Wanking or masturbating anywhere in the house at any time is now acceptable, but not in public places, because being locked up with only the missus, or a boring, ever-fattening, alcoholic hubby to look at, plus sex all day and night, would cause any healthy male or female to have a quick toss when they feel like it!

These are just a few anti-social human habits, which were once frowned upon, and have now become accepted as normal behaviour during the Covid-19 pandemic, claim scientists.

If readers of this rather rude and anti-social spoof desire the full list of once anti-social habits, they can watch old episodes of the Young Ones. Also highly recommended by the medical/scientific fraternities to beat the 'lockdown boredom syndrome!'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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