Man Squashed Bottle Top For No Apparent Reason

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 27 January 2021

image for Man Squashed Bottle Top For No Apparent Reason
Take that, you bastard!

A pedestrian who was walking along a public footpath has said he isn't really certain why he did it, but claims to have trodden on a bottle top he saw, squashing it almost flat.

The incident occurred at around 7:45 am this morning, as schoolteacher Moys Kenwood walked along the pavement near his school. He takes up the story:

"Well, I was just watching where I was going, really. You have to be careful where you're putting your feet, don't you? There are unseen dangers lurking everywhere - stones, bottles, used diapers, dog turds, that sort of thing."

In his path, a bottle top loomed.

"I saw it, and, for some inexplicable reason, I had an unquenchable desire to step on it, to crush it, and to flatten it into submission, and out of existence. It felt right."

It may have been what is known as a 'power trip'. He said:

"It may have been what is known as a 'power trip'. I felt better afterwards, knowing that this sad, lonely bottle top had been obliterated, but I'm not really sure why."

Experts have said that the case is a philosophical and metaphysical question of why Kenwood felt an air of superiority over the innocent bottle top, and was so inclined to destroy it.

One said:

"It's possible he has some issues."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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