A man who was aimlessly ambling along the aisles of a supermarket earlier today, has revealed how he had a frightening aural experience when he was forced to listen to the strains of a Cinese singer as he completely annihilated the Wham! classic, 'Last Christmas'.
Moys Kenwood, 57, had nipped out to the shop, and made straight for the discount '50% off' section to see if there was anything worth having which was approaching its sell-by date.
As he did, his ears became aware that they were being assaulted.
From the store's speakers, an execution was taking place.
Kenwood recognised, with pleasure, the musical introduction to the well-loved 1984 Christmas song, and waited for the sublime sound of his hero, George Michael, but was sadly disappointed when he heard the warbled ramblings of a man most definitely not from East Finchley.
"Lars Clismus, I gave you ma hat..."
As the Chinese artist grappled with trying to emulate Mr. Michael, the effect on listeners' ears was the same as being forced to listen to metal pylons being twisted, or to being present as a derailed subway train skids 100 metres on its side.
Other shoppers glanced around, trying to discover where the cacaphony was coming from, clearly amazed that such a terrible recording had ever made it out of the studio.
Kenwood, in some distress, forgot about the discounts, and fled the shop.
He said:
"It was awful. I can't 'unhear' it. It made me wish the festive period were already over, and that the January Sales had started."
