Hello - this is Margaret, from my little garden in Hampshire - where all the pigs grow up - and we get lots of their yummy - (but smelly) droppings. You can smell them in the air also many times, when the wind is just right. The Thatcher Netw…
History Buff Henry Worthington was disappointed at a recent event, presented by Jethro Tull that there was no discussion about the Seed drill. The event, was a concert by the popular progressive rock band Jethro Tull, and not a lecture about the f…
(NOT EDITED) After watching a nature programme on TV, a German house owner, who just happens not to have one 'green finger' protruding from his hands, decided to employ a family of wild boars to dig up his garden. His wife, also declined to get on…
A man who saw his back garden become a lake as it was submerged during a torrential downpour of rain over the weekend, has said he is considering his future employment prospects, and may decide to venture into the world of landscape gardening. Moy…
A man who is virtually at the end of his tether with the Coronavirus lockdown, has told of how he spent all day Wednesday in his garden, pulling weeds. Not normally the sort of person that could easily be categorized as green-fingered, Moys Kenwoo…
Corona lockdowns have had a massive effect on the UK National Marrow Championship held in Saxtead, Suffolk. Last year's champion and multi-times winner, locally known as Mad Max Marrow, has been terribly 'slugged'. The consequences have been devastat…
Eager to improve his life, Johnny Clapper of Nashville, Tennessee, took serious note of a neighbor’s passing remark that people reap what they sow – and was concerned when he realized that he himself wasn’t sowing anything. “At first I thought tha...
Percy Shears, 77, from Croydon, has become something of a celebrity in his neighbourhood by holding "drill music" parties in his shed. He regularly hosts dozens of teenagers on Saturday nights, and police often visit for fear that they might turn vio...
World-renowned horticulturist Meghan Barlow, pressured on all sides to produce more award-winning zinnias, pentuias, celosia, and other blooms, recently realized that she lacked the time to stop and smell her own roses. "It's a problem," she ackno...
A British lady has been viciously attacked in her own garden by biting ants, leaving her in a state of great undress. Librarian Catherine Catlow had decided to plant some trailling sweet peas along a border when she found herself perched precariou...
Jerusalem, Israel - A team of Oxford Theologists have confirmed what many believers have suspected for the last twenty years--that the most annoying of all gardening equipment was first thought up by the devil himself. "We stumbled across a very d...
A leading lonely hearts magazine has withdrawn advertisements for bird tables, which misleadingly claim that a certain brand of bird table will attract hundreds of 18-30 year old single women to suburban gardens. The publicity photograph shows s...
Baltimore - First Lady Michelle Obama escorted a group of mostly Hispanic, non-English speaking kids to a ghetto community garden on the first leg of her month long "Garden Organic Now America!" tour, where she told them "organic gardening teaches th...
Police have today cautioned George Osborne and issued an interim restraining order banning him from all garden centres, after reports that he was seen 'maliciously stamping on the green shoots of recovery'. Osborne is reported to have roamed the h...
Gardeners up and down the country are on high alert due to the annual predation of daffodils by scroats planning to 'delight' their mothers. Supermarkets yesterday reported selling out of Red Bull, torch batteries and high-power water pistols (nor...
Gardeners have been warned to watch out for dangerous metallic objects, after a laser gun was found in a crop of potatoes in a Mansfield allotment. When officers went to investigate the plot, a 12-bore rifle was seen peeping out above a row of bee...
London - Rum goings-on behind the Berryfields potting shed have been blamed for a vile rumour about Monty Don's golden retriever Nigel. Absent for several weeks during an outbreak of Badger's Disease on local allotments the five year-old pooch's s...
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