(NOT EDITED) After watching a nature programme on TV, a German house owner, who just happens not to have one 'green finger' protruding from his hands, decided to employ a family of wild boars to dig up his garden. His wife, also declined to get on…
A man who saw his back garden become a lake as it was submerged during a torrential downpour of rain over the weekend, has said he is considering his future employment prospects, and may decide to venture into the world of landscape gardening. Moy…
A man who is virtually at the end of his tether with the Coronavirus lockdown, has told of how he spent all day Wednesday in his garden, pulling weeds. Not normally the sort of person that could easily be categorized as green-fingered, Moys Kenwoo…
Corona lockdowns have had a massive effect on the UK National Marrow Championship held in Saxtead, Suffolk. Last year's champion and multi-times winner, locally known as Mad Max Marrow, has been terribly 'slugged'. The consequences have been devastat…
Eager to improve his life, Johnny Clapper of Nashville, Tennessee, took serious note of a neighbor’s passing remark that people reap what they sow – and was concerned when he realized that he himself wasn’t sowing anything. “At first I thought tha...
Percy Shears, 77, from Croydon, has become something of a celebrity in his neighbourhood by holding "drill music" parties in his shed. He regularly hosts dozens of teenagers on Saturday nights, and police often visit for fear that they might turn vio...
World-renowned horticulturist Meghan Barlow, pressured on all sides to produce more award-winning zinnias, pentuias, celosia, and other blooms, recently realized that she lacked the time to stop and smell her own roses. "It's a problem," she ackno...
A British lady has been viciously attacked in her own garden by biting ants, leaving her in a state of great undress. Librarian Catherine Catlow had decided to plant some trailling sweet peas along a border when she found herself perched precariou...
Jerusalem, Israel - A team of Oxford Theologists have confirmed what many believers have suspected for the last twenty years--that the most annoying of all gardening equipment was first thought up by the devil himself. "We stumbled across a very d...
A leading lonely hearts magazine has withdrawn advertisements for bird tables, which misleadingly claim that a certain brand of bird table will attract hundreds of 18-30 year old single women to suburban gardens. The publicity photograph shows s...
Baltimore - First Lady Michelle Obama escorted a group of mostly Hispanic, non-English speaking kids to a ghetto community garden on the first leg of her month long "Garden Organic Now America!" tour, where she told them "organic gardening teaches th...
Police have today cautioned George Osborne and issued an interim restraining order banning him from all garden centres, after reports that he was seen 'maliciously stamping on the green shoots of recovery'. Osborne is reported to have roamed the h...
Gardeners up and down the country are on high alert due to the annual predation of daffodils by scroats planning to 'delight' their mothers. Supermarkets yesterday reported selling out of Red Bull, torch batteries and high-power water pistols (nor...
Gardeners have been warned to watch out for dangerous metallic objects, after a laser gun was found in a crop of potatoes in a Mansfield allotment. When officers went to investigate the plot, a 12-bore rifle was seen peeping out above a row of bee...
London - Rum goings-on behind the Berryfields potting shed have been blamed for a vile rumour about Monty Don's golden retriever Nigel. Absent for several weeks during an outbreak of Badger's Disease on local allotments the five year-old pooch's s...
Police in Dorking were at the centre of a row today after digging up a local garden. Officers from Dorking Central Division, accompanied by dog handlers and an armed response unit descended on 34 Lucknow Gardens shortly after 7am. "We wanted to...
This week's guest gardening expert is The Father of English History and scathing Transportation and Culture Analyst THE VENERABLE BEDE Here is just a taste of some of the works that have earned The Venerable Bede the right to stand shoulder to shoulder with literary giants such as J K Rowling and James Corden: Brittania Oceani insula, cui quondam Albion nomen fuit, inter septentrionem et...
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