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Retired gardener becomes unlikely drill music DJ

Funny story: Retired gardener becomes unlikely drill music DJ

Percy Shears, 77, from Croydon, has become something of a celebrity in his neighbourhood by holding "drill music" parties in his shed. He regularly hosts dozens of teenagers on Saturday nights, and police often visit for fear that they might turn vio...

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Harried Horticulturist Lacks Time to Stop and Smell Her Own Roses

Funny story: Harried Horticulturist Lacks Time to Stop and Smell Her Own Roses

World-renowned horticulturist Meghan Barlow, pressured on all sides to produce more award-winning zinnias, pentuias, celosia, and other blooms, recently realized that she lacked the time to stop and smell her own roses. "It's a problem," she ackno...

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English Gardener Attacked by Biting Ants

Funny story: English Gardener Attacked by Biting Ants

A British lady has been viciously attacked in her own garden by biting ants, leaving her in a state of great undress. Librarian Catherine Catlow had decided to plant some trailling sweet peas along a border when she found herself perched precariou...

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Theologists Confirm Satan Invented Leaf-Blowers

Funny story: Theologists Confirm Satan Invented Leaf-Blowers

Jerusalem, Israel - A team of Oxford Theologists have confirmed what many believers have suspected for the last twenty years--that the most annoying of all gardening equipment was first thought up by the devil himself. "We stumbled across a very d...

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Bird Tables Recalled After Bachelor Finds Sparrows All Over Bird Bath

Funny story: Bird Tables Recalled After Bachelor Finds Sparrows All Over Bird Bath

A leading lonely hearts magazine has withdrawn advertisements for bird tables, which misleadingly claim that a certain brand of bird table will attract hundreds of 18-30 year old single women to suburban gardens. The publicity photograph shows s...

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First Lady Offers Refugee Ghetto Kids Life Lessons At Urban Community Garden Patch

Funny story: First Lady Offers Refugee Ghetto Kids Life Lessons At Urban Community Garden Patch

Baltimore - First Lady Michelle Obama escorted a group of mostly Hispanic, non-English speaking kids to a ghetto community garden on the first leg of her month long "Garden Organic Now America!" tour, where she told them "organic gardening teaches th...

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Osborne arrested for 'stomping the green shoots of recovery'

Funny story: Osborne arrested for 'stomping the green shoots of recovery'

Police have today cautioned George Osborne and issued an interim restraining order banning him from all garden centres, after reports that he was seen 'maliciously stamping on the green shoots of recovery'. Osborne is reported to have roamed the h...

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Mother's Day Eve gardeners' vigil - as it happens

Funny story: Mother's Day Eve gardeners' vigil - as it happens

Gardeners up and down the country are on high alert due to the annual predation of daffodils by scroats planning to 'delight' their mothers. Supermarkets yesterday reported selling out of Red Bull, torch batteries and high-power water pistols (nor...

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Police may have planted weapons

Gardeners have been warned to watch out for dangerous metallic objects, after a laser gun was found in a crop of potatoes in a Mansfield allotment. When officers went to investigate the plot, a 12-bore rifle was seen peeping out above a row of bee...

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Stop messing with our minds BBC's Gardeners' World is told

Funny story: Stop messing with our minds BBC's Gardeners' World is told

London - Rum goings-on behind the Berryfields potting shed have been blamed for a vile rumour about Monty Don's golden retriever Nigel. Absent for several weeks during an outbreak of Badger's Disease on local allotments the five year-old pooch's s...

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Dorking Police Search Garden For Human Remains

Funny story: Dorking Police Search Garden For Human Remains

Police in Dorking were at the centre of a row today after digging up a local garden. Officers from Dorking Central Division, accompanied by dog handlers and an armed response unit descended on 34 Lucknow Gardens shortly after 7am. "We wanted to...

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Gardeners' Question Time: The Venerable Bede Advises Franz Schubert

Funny story: Gardeners' Question Time: The Venerable Bede Advises Franz Schubert

This week's guest gardening expert is The Father of English History and scathing Transportation and Culture Analyst THE VENERABLE BEDE Here is just a taste of some of the works that have earned The Venerable Bede the right to stand shoulder to shoulder with literary giants such as J K Rowling and James Corden: Brittania Oceani insula, cui quondam Albion nomen fuit, inter septentrionem et...

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Idaho Cactus Enjoying Accidental Time In Spotlight

Funny story: Idaho Cactus Enjoying Accidental Time In Spotlight

BOISE--With talk of the March 6th Idaho Caucus picking up, a surprising figure has inadvertently risen to the forefront of internet searches. Lookups for "idaho cactus" and "idaho cactus info" have risen over 600% in the past few days alone. The...

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Bloomin heatwave sets fire to petunias shockhorror!

Funny story: Bloomin heatwave sets fire to petunias shockhorror!

London - Barking resident Mrs Iris McReedy spoke of her dismay today after a greenhouse gas-fuelled solar arson attack fried the contents of her hanging basket. The octogenarian pensioner said she'd noticed 'a funny pong' "like smouldering compost...

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Letters To The Editor About Heroes Of The Empire

Funny story: Letters To The Editor About Heroes Of The Empire

Dear Sir, I was fascinated to read in your magazine, about three years ago (I can't remember exactly when), about the days of the British Empire and some of the great characters of those times. But why did you not mention my ancestor William Plumstone, the man who introduced the porcelain eggcup to the Headhunters of Sarawak? Despite being warned numerous times, William had the courage to...

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Organ playing Dorking pensioner in rhubarb scandal

Funny story: Organ playing Dorking pensioner in rhubarb scandal

A Dorking vegetable grower has barricaded himself in his garden shed after being accused of stealing rhubarb from an adjoining allotment. Retired maths teacher Cyril Nonce, aged 88, had been reported to the police by his vigilant next door neighbo...

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Monet Garden Job Goes To Scouser

Funny story: Monet Garden Job Goes To Scouser

A gardener from Merseyside has landed one of the prize jobs in horticulture - tending Claude Monet's garden. Fred Compost has to keep the garden, at Giverny, Normandy, in the condition it was when the impressionist master lived there. Some of M...

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Monty Signs Up For Gardeners World

Funny story: Monty Signs Up For Gardeners World

Former Ryder Cup captain Colin Montgomerie has been unveiled as the new frontman for the flagship BBC programme, Gardeners World. Monty is taking over from former presenter Toby Buckland, whose 2 year stint ended when he walked out in protest at t...

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Breaking news…

Trump Family Publishes List of Places They Will Build New Trump Hotels

Coincidentally, they are all located in countries with no extradition treaty with the U.S.
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