Brit marrow champion 'slugged' after UK lockdown!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Thursday, 2 July 2020

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Mad marrow growers are in severe danger during lockdown!

Corona lockdowns have had a massive effect on the UK National Marrow Championship held in Saxtead, Suffolk. Last year's champion and multi-times winner, locally known as Mad Max Marrow, has been terribly 'slugged'. The consequences have been devastating for him, and other mad marrow maniacs.

Mad Max, normally sings lullabies to his potential champion marrows, and also wraps them in duvets, recites Dylan Thomas poems to them, and, if it gets too cold, he grabs his sleeping bag and tucks himself up with his potential 2020 winner to ensure it gets enough body warmth.

However, due to a 3-month lockdown in Suffolk, Max has not been able to attend to his beloved marrows. Instead, he was forced to cuddle up to his missus, who is potty about her roses, but she hates sex. After Prime Minister Boris Johnson loosened coronavirus restrictions, he rushed down to his plot and had a heart attack!

It seems local slugs residing on Max's plot do not give a hoot about lockdowns and social distancing, and took the golden opportunity to attack Kevin's prize marrow. Mad Max discovered a plethora of obese, ugly slugs lazing in the regular Suffolk rain, and his ravaged marrow looked like a ball of finest Swiss cheese, only a different colour!

An ambulance arrived to attend to Max's heart attack - luckily it was not too serious. The ambulance team asked Mad Max if he would mind going to the local loony-bin, because they thought a 'marrow-growing fanatic' would be better taken care of there, and local hospitals were only open for coronavirus patients. He agreed, his wife, too.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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