Man Went To Funeral, Just To 'Get Out Of The House'

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 30 July 2020

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Our deepest condolences. Now, are there any sausage rolls?

A man who has been suffering mental torture during the Coronavirus Lockdown, has told how he was so desperate for a chance to get out of his own house this morning, that he decided to go to the funeral of a woman he had never heard of.

Moys Kenwood, 57, had been stewing in the almost-unbearable heat of his Battambang home since 16 March, and, despite being kept 'on his toes' by his two young children, had become somewhat irritable, and frustrated that he could not resume his normal routine, and go to work.

Now at the stage of 'any excuse to get out', he accepted his wife's slightly-sarcastic invitation to 'wave off' a woman he had never met, and even had a 2-minute shower to demonstrate his enthusiasm for the outing.

The dead woman had died peacefully in her sleep, and was survived by a husband who, according to gossip, cheated on her, beat her, and treated her like a skivvy; and a layabout son, who ran her ragged, and constantly pestered her for cash to feed his various addictions.

It was not even the solemn event readers might imagine.

Huge loudspeakers - an integral part of Khmer tradition for thousands of years - pumped out Smurfmusic, whilst laughing, drinking revellers grinned themselves into stupors.

Nearby, the dead woman lay in her coffin, glad that everyone was having such a good time.

Kenwood said:

"It was nice to get out of the house, but I won't be rushing off to any more funerals anytime soon, unless it's my own, of course!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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