Trump sings Chinese National Anthem in major diplomatic row

Written by Red.S.Crotum

Tuesday, 5 May 2020

image for Trump sings Chinese National Anthem in major diplomatic row
The President sings for the World

A major diplomatic row has blown up between the Unites States and China as a result of a version of the Chinese National Anthem sung by President Donald Trump today in Washington DC.

Trump decided to sing the English language version of the anthem at the annual meeting of the China - U.S. Goodwill Organisation, which senior representatives of both countries attend to promote trade and improved relations. Although provided days ago with the words of the anthem, entitled ‘March Of The Volunteers’, Trump decided to ad lib them to show his commitment, and clearly got into trouble remembering them, despite there being a teleprompter and only eight short verses.

The official English translation provided is:

Arise! All who refuse to be slaves!
Let our flesh and blood become our new Great Wall!
As the Chinese nation faces its greatest peril,
All forcefully expend their last cries.
Arise! Arise! Arise!
Our million hearts beat as one,
Brave the enemy's fire, March on!
Brave the enemy's fire, March on!
March on! March on! On!

Seeming to enjoy the limelight as the only US representative on the stage, and smiling triumphantly as he finished the song, Trump’s lyrics were the following:

Off to the labour camps! All who refuse to be slaves!
Let your flesh and blood become Porky Pig feed!
As the Chinese nation faces its greatest peril! Donald Trump!
Forcefully kick everyone out of the South China Sea! Over my dead body!
Swim! Swim! Swim! Build new islands! The hell you will!
Our billion hearts beat as one gun to the head. Our guns are bigger!
No one’s going to do anything, threaten Australia! Yeah, sure!
Uyghurs are in concentration camps, keep ‘em quiet! Too bad!
Fuck ‘em! Fuck ‘em! Fuck yeah!

The Chinese delegation left the meeting immediately, shaking with anger, after the President had finished, leaving him nonplussed. Pressed by reporters on how he’d come up with the lyrics, a beaming Trump said, “Well you know, me and Melanoma got together last night for our weekly coffee, and she encouraged me to learn the lyrics. I think I did a tremendous, very good, yes, tremendous job, don’t you think? I may have changed a couple of words to make it better, but they got the gist.”

No official statement has come out of Beijing over the incident, although reports of Chinese forces mobilising in large numbers are coming in from around the globe.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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