Preppers refuse to stay at home during emergency

Saturday, 2 May 2020

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Michigan, US. So-called "preppers" have spent years stockpiling and preparing for a widespread crisis like the current pandemic. Yet many of them are refusing to follow their own plans to stay indoors.

"This ain't it," said survivalist Wyoming Geoff. "I bin prepping for when we get some retard president who tries to order us to do sommit we don't wants to do. Then we's gonna rise up and lock ourselves indoors."

When asked why the current situation didn't fit with his planning, Geoff replied, "I support Trump, but his intelligence tells him to order that we stay home. He needs to tell his intelligence where to go. This gub'mint don't know what it's doing, but I ain't gonna stay indoors for no gub'mint order. Damn gub'mint!"

Other survivalist groups have marched on Michigan's capital, Lansing, wielding guns and tins of beef. "I got ma tinned beef," said protestor Texas Barry. "I can eat steak until the cows come home, but why should I stay home when I got a gun. It's all a liberal Chinese plot to make us stay at home, but not the sort of liberal Chinese plot that I want to stay at home for. So they can go to hell."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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