Oyster-Catching Trip Was Extremely Arduous

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 3 May 2020

image for Oyster-Catching Trip Was Extremely Arduous
A vehicle similar to the Contraption of Pain

A man who was invited to take his family on an oyster-catching excursion at an artificial inland waterway in the Cambodian countryside, has told how the exciting prospect descended into near-chaos when no oysters were caught, and the party, travelling in a 'trailer' attached to some rudimentary farm machinery, became lost on its way home.

They were also 'frazzled' by the searing heat of the midday sun, then left dripping wet by a deluge of rain of biblical proportions.

Moys Kenwood, 56, and his wife and two children were picked up at their home at 7:30am on Sunday, and clambored aboard the ricketty trailer that was to convey them to the oyster-rich location.

Two hours later, with crippled backs and legs, they fell out of the vehicle, and entered the water, which was brown.

Two more hours later, they reboarded the deathtrap and, oysterless, headed for home. Kenwood takes up the story:

"We were on our way, about halfway home, when some bloke on a motorbike told our driver about a 'short cut'. Something about him told me this was not quite right. Despite this, I kept my mouth shut. This was an error."

The 'short cut' turned out to be nothing of the sort, and the little chugging tractor-thingy slowly and judderingly made its way over ploughed fields and crack-ridden earth tracks at walking-pace, or thereabouts, for the next hour-and-three-quarters, testing patience and endurance to their limits.

The sun baked them, and then the rained soaked them, to the skin. The Contraption of Pain struggled bravely on through the mud in fields that now resembled The Somme.

Eventually, a familiar landmark - a haystack - came into view, and a muffled cheer of relief went up. They were 'back at base'.

Said Kenwood:

"I'm not that keen on oysters anyway. I won't be going again."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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