Satellite Images Confirm Sun Is A Big, Round, Blazing Ball Of Searing-hot Plasma

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 14 February 2020

image for Satellite Images Confirm Sun Is A Big, Round, Blazing Ball Of Searing-hot Plasma
The Sun (top right)

Satellite images from the Austin Allegro British space programme have confirmed what experts have always believed about the Sun: that it is a big, ever-so-hot, blazing ball of orange plasma that is raging away to its core, and lighting up the entire solar system with its intense rays.

The Sun is maintaining its distance from Earth, of more than 93million miles.

The news comes as a huge relief, after some in the British team had voiced the opinion that the Sun was spinning dangerously out of control, was getting nearer and nearer to the Earth each day that went by, and was gradually raising the planet's temperature, causing global warming, and potentializing climate and environmental catastrophe in the near future.

That may still happen, but it's nothing to do with the Sun.

It's been meticulously calculated that, if the Sun were only 2 meters closer to the Earth, the temperature would be unbearably hot; if it were 2 meters farther away, it would be cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

In unrelated news, The Sun is a low-grade Conservative-leaning sleazepaper that features women showing off their oomlaaters.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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