China asks if some of its population can stand in Europe to comply with social distancing rules

Funny story written by Cleopatra Chaos

Tuesday, 7 April 2020

image for China asks if some of its population can stand in Europe to comply with social distancing rules
A bus stop in Beijing

The Beijing government has politely requested EU leaders if some of its population can stand in Europe to obey social distancing rules. Social distancing rules require people to keep a distance of at least 2 metres away from one another, to avoid the risk of spreading Coronavirus.

The population of China is almost 1.4 billion and, assuming each one of them stands 2 metres apart, the country would need a land mass of 7,840 trillion square kilometres to accommodate them all. However, China’s land mass is only 9.6 million square kilometres. Even assuming that everyone in China lived in a household of 3 (Chinese law forbidding having more than one child), and assuming that each family stood in exactly the same spot, both of which assumptions are ludicrous, China would still need a land mass of 871 billion square kilometres.

President Xi Jinping suggested to EU world leaders that China could peaceably occupy Eastern Europe, promising not to send anyone who was suffering from Coronavirus.

Many in the West have reacted negatively to the request, claiming that it is an underhand way of invading other countries, and China, which is responsible for the Coronavirus pandemic through its unsanitary market conditions and failure to warn the rest of the world, should not have the right to ask favours of other countries.

EU President Charles Michel has refused the request, explaining that, ewhile everyone in Europe would love to have a Chinese family live in their spare room, the logistics of achieving this would be impossible, and suggested that China might solve its problem by building additional floors in its many houses, to accommodate more people.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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