Despite reports clearly pointing out the absurdity of mistaking Corona beer with the Coronavirus, President Donald Trump has directed Mike Pence to seize all Corona beer nationwide, and incinerate it personally at his WH office.
"Yes," said Pence in a phone interview, "The President realizes, of course, that the Coronavirus has nothing to do with Corona beer, but it is important to remember that this President is a stable genius and is operating on a totally different level of thinking."
Pence was then asked if the WH had an adequate incineration facility to handle the volume of beer, estimated to be in millions of bottles and gallons of beer on the grounds of the White House.
"No, we will have to store the beer in a warehouse and bring it to the White House in secured limo convoys. It is important to realize that we are working hard to handle this crisis in a centralized manner, and that means doing EVERYTHING through the Vice President's office."
But it appears that, as the beer awaits months to be incinerated, it will be housed at several warehouses close to Dulles and Reagan International airports, much as it would while going through normal distribution to stores across the country. Mr Pence was hard pressed how to explain the man hours needed to accomplish it could be justified when the country is in the middle of a terrible heal crisis and could really "use a beer".
"I think what the President has in mind, is the well-being of he American people. Many of his undereducated followers don't know the difference between Corona Beer and Covid-19. They hear it and think it is one and the same. So we feel that this small minority of Americans deserves special attention from this President during the pandemic.