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Funny satire stories about panic

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Funny story: Originator of Johns Hopkins COVID-19 Dashboard Not Sure Where Data Comes From, But Says It Looks Good Enough

Originator of Johns Hopkins COVID-19 Dashboard Not Sure Where Data Comes From, But Says It Looks Good Enough

(Baltimore, Maryland) As the Coronavirus continues its spread to every inhabited corner of the planet, everyday citizens’ appetite for the disease’s telemetry has grown exponentially, mainly to enable them to debate their expertise on epidemiology on...

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Funny story: Coronavirus Q&A Survival Kit

Coronavirus Q&A Survival Kit

The threat from the Coronavirus is real. The spread has been rapid, and every country on the planet is now at risk. Amidst the tidal wave of information and misinformation, many people are concerned about their futures, and their chances of surviv...

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Funny story: Condoms To Be Next Item On Panic-Buying Shopping Lists

Condoms To Be Next Item On Panic-Buying Shopping Lists

After the farcical scramble to buy toilet rolls in Australia, Britain and other arse-wipe nations last week, an expert consumer analyst has now said that even stranger products are in the panic-buy pipeline. One of these is mittens, in preparation...

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Funny story: Robber foiled by high decibel flatulence (no signs of epidemic)

Robber foiled by high decibel flatulence (no signs of epidemic)

Earlier today Sputnik International broke the news of a sensational arrest in which the culprit nearly escaped. The culprit had taken refuge behind a tree in the steep wooded terrain of an area that must remain anonymous, according to police, to a...

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Funny story: Killer Sock Puppets: The Return

Killer Sock Puppets: The Return

An update in the horrific Sock Puppet Terrorisation (SPT) craze that has been sweeping two coastal towns. Police raided an address in Aldbourgh last night and confiscated over £50 in sock puppet making technology. No one was at the property but offic...

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Funny story: NASA Retracts Warning Of Imminent Cataclysmic Asteroid Impact With Earth

NASA Retracts Warning Of Imminent Cataclysmic Asteroid Impact With Earth

Washington D.C. - The United States' National Aeronautics and Space Administration, NASA, has retracted the warning it issued yesterday regarding a huge asteroid's imminent impact with Earth, which would have led to cataclysmic devastation of the ent...

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Funny story: Feds Threaten to Flood Markets if U.S. Loans Called In!

Feds Threaten to Flood Markets if U.S. Loans Called In!

The Federal Government has privately warned that if any countries should try to call in huge loans, they will quit trading and begin producing that country's legal tender by sophisticated copiers. "A lot of other countries have copied our dollars...

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Funny story: Man Declared Dead Days Before Suddenly Wakes Up in Morgue

Man Declared Dead Days Before Suddenly Wakes Up in Morgue

A man has amazed doctors and workers at a hospital by waking up after being declared dead two days before. The family had waited till several family members could arrive to hold the funeral in Nairobi, Kenya. Meanwhile a worker at the morgue b...

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Funny story: Big Rat Reported in Texas Causing Panic!

Big Rat Reported in Texas Causing Panic!

Middleton, Texas: Officers in West Texas who answered calls about a huge rat chasing people around the neighborhood at night are out watching to see if it shows up again. "I don't care how big the rat is, this old shotgun will blow that sucker aw...

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Funny story: Kim Jog-On: "Who's Raffing Now?"

Kim Jog-On: "Who's Raffing Now?"

Political tension and intrigue was at an all time high today as the world prepared itself, again, to be invaded by North Korea. London, Washington, Moscow and Beijing were put on DEFCON 5 meaning that a nuclear air strike was imminent at any moment.

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Funny story: Mystery Of 'Sonic Boom' Explained

Mystery Of 'Sonic Boom' Explained

The mystery surrounding the infamous sonic boom heard across the south of England has finally been explained, as government officials released a statement this afternoon. Panic stricken witnesses flooded the emergency services with calls after the...

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Funny story: Gold Falls, Breaks Fifth Metatarsal

Gold Falls, Breaks Fifth Metatarsal

Amid reports of the strengthening U.S. Dollar, and reports of financial market adjustments proposed by Federal Reserve Chairman, Ben Bernanke, the price of golf fell significantly in open trading today, forcing at least one man to be rushed to hospit...

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Funny story: Time to panic!

Time to panic!

"A study by the National Institutes of Health in the US suggests that mobile phones could have an effect on the brain.They reported higher sugar use in the brain, a sign of increased activity, after 50 minutes on the phone.The research published in the Journal of the American Medical Association said the clinical significance was unknown." (BBC News 24/2/2011) Meanwhile, RISP (Research Into Stu...

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Funny story: Pandemonium as Heinz workers threaten to strike. Bean eaters panic!

Pandemonium as Heinz workers threaten to strike. Bean eaters panic!

"Workers at food giant Heinz are to go on strike in a pay row. Unite said its members at the firm's factory in Wigan will walk out for 24 hours from next Wednesday evening and launch a continuous ban on overtime." Residents of the U.K. are rush...

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Funny story: Pentagon panic over recent activity

Pentagon panic over recent activity

The U.S military has begun an urgent high level inquiry into the events of today. No car bombs were reported from Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, India, Spain, or anywhere else in the world. In addition to these worrying developments, North Korean Presi...

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Funny story: Asteroid Headed This Way, Explains Secret US Military Rocket Launch

Asteroid Headed This Way, Explains Secret US Military Rocket Launch

The recent launching of a U.S. military rocket finally began making sense today even though the military still will not discuss it. However, our reporters have uncovered a copy of half-shredded military records that say that headquarters in Housto...

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Funny story: Bastards! - Consumer Groups Slam Brit Panic Buyers

Bastards! - Consumer Groups Slam Brit Panic Buyers

Consumer groups here in arctic Britain today launched a scathing attack on Britain's selfish, uncaring panic-buying hoarders, labelling them as "Bastards!" In supermarkets all over the country, shoppers were greeted by empty fresh veg sections, em...

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