This Week's News From Pakistan

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 6 April 2019

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News just in of a woman who has a gripe about violence or something...

(Pakistan News Sources) It is with great pleasure that we introduce and bring to you in your glorious western homes, the very interesting news from Pakistan, a forward-thinking society with outdated, insane Muslim values.

A woman who had her head shaved by her husband because she wouldn't dance for him and his friends, has complained about this result. It's incredible, isn't it? You give them an imperial inch, and they want the imperial mile, as you very good and kind people in England say.

The woman's husband, Mian Faisal, said that his wife had already started cutting her own hair, but he just helped to finish it off. He is going to have a very hard job indeed, however, of explaining why his wife ended up being bound with a pipe, and was left hanging from a fan.

In other unbelievable news, a woman reported to police in Karachi that she was assaulted by her husband after she refused to switch the TV channel over to the televised cricket. She was watching the Pakistani serial drama 'Udari', but her husband was desirous of seeing the very important match with India. A struggle took place, and the woman was put in her place.

In another incident, a 68-year-old woman was furious when she was asked to give up her seat on the bus by an 18-year-old boy carrying a machete. The woman was arrested, but released later when it was realized she only had one leg.

And finally, it was quiet today along the Kashmiri border today, as all members of the Border Protection Units commenced a deserved three-day furlough, during which they will be allowed to return home to relax, recuperate, and beat their wives.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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