Bolton and Abrams discovered in regime change rituals in dank basement

Written by joseph k winter

Friday, 8 February 2019

image for Bolton and Abrams discovered in regime change rituals in dank basement
Possibly resident caretaker in Mr. Bolton's basement, or perhaps just one of his fans

The hacker group Dark Overbored has once again released intimate details on those currently governing US policy.

This time it's via new technology in “doorknob surveillance,” and a series of “doorknob studies” for "interior scenes."

To the following:

Mr. Bolton (National Security Advisor) and Elliott Abrams (Special Envoy to Venezuela) have been revealed in Mr. Bolton’s (dank and moldy) basement.

Their behavior (according to scholars) was likely inspired by witch and demon scenes in Shakespeare, America in the 1690's at Salem, plus the McCarthy era of the 1950s.

Accompanying music featured their favorite rock band, “Make Neocon Magic Great Again!”

With guitars screaming and drums throbbing, the duo pranced and high-fived around a witch’s brew in a cauldron made up of something or other.

(Note: reports that the brew contains molasses, eels, and human feces NOT confirmed, although the ritual did follow a large repast in Mr. Bolton’s dining room just previous.)

They chanted:

Meddle, meddle
Toil, bedevil
Today’s routine
Is change regime!

Followed by: “Venezuela! Ha! Here we come!”

Dark Overbored also runs a clandestine radio station named DORK (Dark Overboard Radio Network) which managed to get an interview with these men for its “DORK Personality Series.”

DORK: But, gentlemen, how can you justify your techniques for regime change in Venezuela, that is, destabilizing another nation—adding to the refugee problem—which is against international law?

JB: Well, with America, The One Indispensable Nation, you know, that UN stuff does not apply to us. We do what’s needed to bring democracy to the rest of the world.

DORK: But with Venezuela, the Maduro election last year has been verified by 150 international observers from 30 different nations. That is democracy, isn’t it?

EA: Not from our point of view. As the Greatest Nation On The Planet, we have a duty to make sure World Order is as we decide it should be.

DORK: I see. And could you give us some idea of what’s next in your thinking?

JB: Well, after Venezuela goes down and we clap Maduro into Guantanamo, we move on to Nicaragua, Cuba, Mexico.

We resume our activities in the Middle East with Iran and revive the Assad Must Go diplomacy in Syria. Iraq should be cautious here on disagreeing with us also.

DORK: Anywhere else?

EA: Look, isn’t it time for something really hot? Russia and China? Let’s be reasonable.

DORK: Regime change?

JB: Plus parts of America itself might need adjustment also. Alternative media?

EA: Yeah!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more