Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 16 August 2018

image for Man Had One Thought On His Mind: Baked Beans
O, to be a spoon!

A man who has spent much of the last ten years of his life away from his native England, had only one thought on his mind last night: Baked Beans!

The man, Moys Kenwood, 55, left the UK in 2009, and, during his time spent abroad, first in Thailand, and then in Cambodia, he has had to make some significant changes to his life.

One of the main differences he has had to adapt to is the weather. The extreme heat of the East has replaced the drab and dismal weather of East Yorkshire, where, if the Sun comes out, people run indoors.

Language also presented a problem, but he has learnt a smattering of the lingo in both places. Cultural differences have also figured. Kenwood:

"Knocking a policeman's hat off in southeast Asia never ends well."

It's diet though, that has given him most headaches - and tummyaches!. Not a big fan of rice or noodles, choices are limited. Tourist spots might have some dishes from home, but Kenwood isn't a tourist, and he's not seen beans on a menu in a decade.

Now, however, he's on his way back to Blighty, and, last night, told our reporter about the meals he has lined-up in his mind:

"It's more of a 'variation on a bean' than anything else," he said. "I've got

Beans on Toast
Egg, Chips and Beans
Sausage, Egg, Chips and Beans
Bacon, Egg, Chips and Beans
Shepherd's Pie and Beans
Chicken, Mashed Potato and Beans
Pork Chop, Chips and Beans
Roast Beef, Yorkshire Pudding and Beans
Spaghetti Bolognese topped with Beans
Fish Fingers, Chips and Beans
Sausage Roll and Beans
Beans in a Breadcake, and
Beans with Beans."

As well as 'Beans as a culinary delight', Kenwood also has other plans.

"Readers will, perhaps, think this is a bit quirky, but I've always fancied wallowing in a bathtub, full to the rim with Baked Beans," he said.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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