Fried Egg Was Cooked Too Long For Man's Liking

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 27 July 2018

image for Fried Egg Was Cooked Too Long For Man's Liking
The egg part of 'Egg 'n' Soldiers'

An egg that was pan-fried in sunflower oil until the yolk was a pale yellow color, which could then be "bitten and chewed", had been cooked for too long, in one man's opinion.

The egg, served to Moys Kenwood, 55, by his wife as part of a sausage, egg and chips 'combo', was, according to the 'consumer', "a little bit like rubber", and "not very nice".

Kenwood told us that he preferred his eggs 'a but runny':

"I like my eggs a bit runny so that I can plunge my chips into the yolk. I also like the bright yellow color that you get when the yolk hasn't yet become hardened. I suppose it's a throwback to my childhood when me mam would make us 'Egg and Soldiers', and me and me sister would dip strips of bread (the soldiers) into our lightly-boiled eggs that were sat in egg cups. Quite why the strips of bread were called 'soldiers' is beyond me."

Kenwood also said a further reason for liking his egg yolks more 'fluid', was:

"I like 'mopping up'. Pure and simple, and I don't care who knows it! I use the last few chips to mop up the remaining yolkjuice, and gather it into one specific place on the plate. Then, after regarding it for a few seconds, I thoroughly soak the chip in the wonderful yellow liquid, and put it on my slavering tongue, which then rejoices in ecstasy as it recognizes the familiar taste. The children watch me, quite fascinated!"

Kenwood said that he mentioned the incident to his wife in 'hushed tones', and, whilst he "didn't want to make a big deal of it", asked her to try and be more careful in the future when cooking eggs.

"She's had her hands full, lately," he said, "what with one thing or another, but a mistake is a mistake, and we all have to learn to accept helpful, constructive criticism."

No eggs were hurt in the making of this story. Well, only one.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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