Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 24 May 2018

image for Man Delayed Flight By Taking A Dump
Would you like to look at some Duty Free goods whilst that man has a shit?

Airline passengers at Manchester's Ringway airport were in uproar yesterday evening, after a flight was delayed when another one of the passengers was forced to visit the lavatory at the Gate before boarding.

The flight, from Manchester to Bangkok, was due to take-off at 21:30, and the passengers had been invited to leave the Departure Lounge, and to go to Gate 53 to await boarding. All went well until around 21:05, when airline staff had called for families with small children to board first. Just then, one of the seated passengers started to experience a rumbling in his bowel, and told staff he would need to visit the little boys' room.

The staff exchanged nervous glances, but, as the passenger - a man of about 54 years of age - grimaced and held his stomach, whilst bent almost double, they assented with fake smiles, and away he went to 'nip one off'. Boarding continued in his absence.

When the man did not return after 15 more minutes had passed, staff made an announcement over the public address system for the man to board the plane, but this was in vain. The Gate was now empty, everyone else having already boarded the flight, and there was an 'air of apprehension' amongst the boarding staff.

Meanwhile, in the shitter, groans could be heard which would have frightened most people, and an odor that was 'not roses' would have greeted anyone daring enough to have entered. Whilst he sat, he could hear a second announcement pleading for him to 'abdicate his throne', and to board immediately.

By 21:30, there was movement, both inside and outside the toilets. Male airline staff entered the toilet area to ask the man if he intended travelling, and, in response, heard a sound like a buffalo dying. Outside, the clock ticked.

Aboard the airplane, passengers were told there would be a short delay, but by 22:00, agitation had set in, and the pilot had sent instructions to ground staff to remove the man's baggage from the hold, so that the flight could commence its journey to Bangkok.

At that moment, the man emerged from the toilets, and, without washing his hands, ran headlong through the Gate, showed his boarding card, and bolted into the aeroplane just as the door was about to close. He was met with a hail of abuse from his fellow passengers. The pilot apologised for the late departure, and the plane moved away.

Only when he'd fastened his seatbelt did the latecomer remember that he hadn't flushed the toilet.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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