Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 4 May 2018

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image for US 'Super Pooper' Mounts Defence
Or he could wear a diaper...

The man at the centre of the 'Super Pooper' scandal has said he has every confidence in his legal team, and expects an apology from his school and the police.

The pooping super has been charged with "lewdness, littering and defecating in public", which is not something you want on your CV.

According to investigators, the poopetrator explained he has a bowel complaint which affects him in certain situations, and which leaves him no time to choose where he can go to the toilet.

One of these situations is when he has been out running, which is why he frequently left a stool by the side of the school's running track.

But school janitor, Maud Scheisser, 61, said that the claim was a lie. She said:

"That claim is a lie. The filthy bastard does it everywhere. Why, only last week, I found a shit in a waste bin in the Ladies' restroom, and about two months ago, I discovered a large turd in the kettle in the kitchen. And I've seen no stools, nor any other kind of seating out by the track."

Some schools, including many in California, provide outside toilet facilities, especially near running tracks, so that runners, caught short, can offload any 'material' that is surplus to requirements without a long hike to the school. Mr Tramaglini has raised this with his lawyers.

If found guilty, the Super Pooper will almost certainly lose his job, and faces a lifetime ban from shitting in open spaces.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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