US dung beetles are having a field day in New Jersey after a mystery human "Super Pooper" left a trail of smelly, smoking crap around the sport fields of a school in Monmouth County.
School authorities could not even blame local dogs pooing on their race track because dung beetles do not like doggies doings, too many chemicals in them, and left the heaps alone!
After analyzing the poo, DNA was found by scientists, wearing protective gloves and nose pegs, that lead back to a teacher of the school. He was called into the headmasters office and given 'six of the best' (For our US readers; six of the best is what the scary headmaster gave naughty kids in Pink Floyd's, The Wall, film).
After the caning, the 'poopertrator' went for a quickie on the loo, and not outside, returned and was immediately arrested for defecating in public just like millions of homeless people in the US do every day!
A police press speaker gave the following statement re this rather stinking story, and here it is:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the 'Super Pooper' has explained why he craps outside and, on the sport fields, he feels the local council was not dunging enough, and being a 'Super Environmentalist', decided to drop his pants after eating several Indian curries (excellent for rapid bowel movement), and save the environment surrounding the school!"
The 'Super Pooper' was last seen being bundled into a huge white van, with diapers on, in the direction of the local "Loo-ny Bin!