Duluth Minnesota - An angry Duluth man attacked the pope with an origami crane knocking him out cold on Lake Superior where the Pope was holding an ice skating prayer breakfast. The pope was aware of the man's intent and when he saw him approaching he started to skate away across the ice. The pope would have escaped the man had he not done one pirouette too many.
The pope suffered a bump on his head as well as damage to his beanie but otherwise appeared fine. He was not allowed back on the ice until he passed the concussion protocol required by a local doctor.
The man, Donald Smack, told the police he used the ancient Japanese secret of quack won foo yoo to gather up ambient energy and solidify it into the origami crane causing it to act like a small club.
Smack is seasoned spoon insurance salesman.
When asked why he attacked the pope he lamented: "The Pope never does anything funny. He is too boring. You would think he would tell a good dirty joke every now and then but he doesn't. You would think he would do a Chevy Chase fall every once in a while or maybe even perform a three stooges act with the cardinals, but no, not Francis".
The man was arrested and charged with attempted papalcide and faces a minimum of three months in a confessional. He says he will plead innocent and fight the charges with the "not funny at all" defense which has worked in the past when lousy comedians have been attacked.
The Pope, on the other side, forgave the man and is going to drop all charges against him once he is done with the prayer breakfast.
As of press time it was learned that the Pope had passed the concussion protocol and demonstrated by performing three triple double jumps on the lake ice.