In a highly secret meeting, the Pope was said to be outraged at the latest pedophile scandal to hit the church, demanding to know why Pell didn't mop this up before he left Australia.
It seems time and his track record of deceit and outrage against the innocent has finally caught up with him. This week Melbourne Prosecutions Department officially charged him with a raft of serious offenses that are too shameful to make public.
He has taken leave of absence and the pope is left without his hard man to keep the money flowing. He was said to be livid and has summoned the devil to take revenge upon these antipodean bogans, who mistakenly think their irrelevant laws applies to the vatican. At the popes direction his military advisors are drawing plans for a nuclear attack on southern Australia to "hose down" this unwanted incursion into their world domination agenda.
The vatican has released an official statement absolving themselves of all wrong doing. "He has said once before that pedophilia is bad, surely that is enough. The church and its insurers repudiates this ongoing witch hunt and given diplomatic communication has failed, the only choice left is military intervention".
Fear immediately gripped the antipodean orcs as the Italian media has termed them. The Australian government has called an urgent cabinet meeting this afternoon, but was hampered when they were unable to find the Pri-Minister, who was relaxing on his yacht on the harbor with his phone turned of. When he was finally located he decided to take a very stern line and released the following communique to the vatican. "if you nuke us we will write you a nasty letter and complain to the UN, so there". The pri-minister went on national television to advise Australians how tough he had been on them and they were all amazed, as this level of vigorous reaction is unknown from the mega-docile orcs on the antipodean isle.
When the media asked about the Popes alleged zero tolerance for this ongoing ugliness his spoekespinner replied there seems to have been a understanding by the press, "the pope was actually referring to zero tolerance for people making false accusations against his most honorable, esteemed and venerable staff. The Cardinal has made a statement and that is enough and the world needs to get its priorities straight and move on".