Paul Ryan Suddenly Withdraws as Romney's Choice for VEEP
Just as quickly as it was announced that Paul Ryan was to be the Republican choice for Vice-President, he announced that it was his sad duty to withdraw his selection. About ten minutes after both Romney and Ryan spoke in front of the USS Wisconsi...Read full story
Mitt Romney launches a 'War on Bankruptcy'
New York City - Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has declared war on what he says is the leading cause for America's ongoing fiscal crisis - bankruptcy. In fact, Romney revealed that his entire economic/fiscal policy is tied to the co...Read full story
Mitt Romney Says His Tax Returns Are Nobody's Business Because He Isn't Running For Political Office (Oops!)
TOLDEO, Ohio - Mitt Romney, who has repeatedly stated that he does not appreciate being called a "Flip Flopper" has just issued a statement regarding President Obama asking that he release his income tax returns for the past five years. "Old Mitte...Read full story
Political Candidates Sue For Equal Time
During a political campaign, television and other forms of media must legally make sure that they offer the opportunity for equal time to all viable candidates. In light of that low, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee, Hillary Clinton, and Bara...Read full story
GOP Scientist Explains Romney's "Retroactive Retirement Dilemma" with His Theory of Retro-Activity
Recently on CNN's State of the Union, Romney's adviser Ed Gillespie stated that Gov. Romney retroactively retired from Bain Capital in 1999 though it actually occurred in 2002. Mr. Gillespie as of this date has offered no explanation on how one i...Read full story
A Bonny Embryo Marinade
Nutely, NJ - Today a new recipe for mangled embryo is sweeping the nation. According to cooking legend, Marda Stewfart, the dish has both the most exquisite taste and presentation of any known to man. According to Stewfart, this dish was invente...Read full story
The Inside Scoop on Newt's Conversion!
ATLANTA, GA (ABSNN) - Newt Gingrich believes he is "Behind the Eight Ball," according to close associates within his faltering, third-place campaign. The big stories the past three news cycles were Romney's exit from the Mormon faith and his convers...Read full story
Mitt Romney Reveals He Was Ruthlessly Bullied in School
Admits receiving an atomic wedgie that turned him into bully Mitt Romney is fighting back against his political attackers saying he became a bully only after being a victim of bullying himself. Romney says he felt he had to address the stories bei...Read full story
Mitt Romney To Local Pizza Shop Owner 'So Bad I Wouldn't Feed It To My Dog'
TENNESSEE- Mitt Romney's latest stop on his campaign trail ended in a momentous gaffe, even for Romney. While visiting a local Athens pizzeria called Giovanni De Luca's Amore Pizz-A-Pie, owner Billy Bob Smith handed Romney a slice of his prized '...Read full story
Iowan Eight "Mitt Romney voters" wake up with hangovers and recant - "He's a Pratt!" hits the morning papers
Mitt Romney's Mormon Holy Quest to lock down the 2012 Republican presidential nomination was sharply undercut this morning when eight Iowans who had apparently participated in caucus while under the influence of various dance club substances woke up...Read full story
Romney 2016 plan surfaces
Washington DC - In an odd bit of leakage from the side that lost the election, it has been revealed how Mitt will win the 2016 election. His new spokesperson, the deaf, dumb, and blind Mr. C. Noeveel, has revealed at a press conference this aftern...Read full story
Paul Ryan Says He Can See Russia From His Home In Wisconsin
INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana - GOP vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan was campaigning in Indianapolis, the town that was named after the Cleveland Indians. He told a crowd that had gathered in the parking lot of a Fishy Smell Seafood Grill that he and...Read full story
Romney shocker: 'I was paid by the DNC to make stupid statements!'
ORLANDO FL (ABSNN) - Only days before the first scheduled Presidential debate, Mitt Romney stunned the nation this morning when he admitted that he was "a paid employee of the Democratic National Committee." "It is true; I am a shill for the Obama...Read full story
Romney Apologizes To America's 47 Percent
FISHERSVILLE, Virginia - Mitt Romney is back again doing his patented Flip-Flop Quick-Step song and dance routine. Speaking before a crowd estimated at somewhere between 31 and 36 supporters, standing in the drizzle at a local Burger Belle, the GO...Read full story
Obama Dumps Biden; Names Apple's Siri As His Running Mate
Washington, DC - Faced with declining poll numbers and a withering economy, President Barack Obama has dropped Vice President Joe Biden from the Democratic presidential election ticket, selecting Apple's digital assistant Siri as his new running mate...Read full story
Drive-By on President Obama Event
Today at a fundraiser for President Obama something very unusual happened. The Mitt Romney tour bus began circling the event, honking its horn and tossing out campaign stickers to event participants. One participant, long-time Democrat Megan Schin...Read full story
Mitt Romney Said To Be Seriously Considering Hank Williams Jr. As His Choice For GOP Running Mate
DETROIT - Mitt Romney recently spoke before a crowd estimated at around 523 in Detroit's Carburetor Coliseum. Afterwards he sat down with Mistletoe Bulova of The Political Drive Thru Window. She asked Romney if he had heard from fellow Republican...Read full story
Romney: "If Rick Santorum says he is a person too, I'll take his word for it!"
Mitt Romney released a statement this morning that had politicians, the media, and the general public perplexed. The Associated Press is reporting that the comment came without provocation and the accompanying remarks appeared to be a new low in the...Read full story
Mitt Romney thrilled with latest Supreme Court ruling
BOSTON(July 1)-Mitt Romney, while railing against the Supreme Court's ruling in favor of 'ObamaCare' seems to be enjoying their ruling against the 'Stolen Valor Act'. The Court decided that law was unconstitutional, violating an individual's 1st Ame...Read full story
'Christmas with the Candidates' to Replace the Trump Debate
New York - Real estate developer Donald Trump has announced that his planned presidential debate has been canceled due to lack of interest and replaced by a holiday special. The program is scheduled to feature all of the remaining Republican candidat...Read full story