BILLINGSGATE POST: As news broke that a Manhattan grand jury has indicted Donald Trump for the bogus charge of allegedly paying a known fellatio practitioner to shut her mouth, Donald Trump announced that he had retained Felix Weatherlimpp, aka Flyface, to represent him.
Flyface earned his legal spurs by representing the notorious William Millyon, aka “Willie the Fifth.” Willie the Fifth was a third rate criminal who relied on Flyface for legal advice. It was Flyface who taught Fifth to say “I refuse to answer….” And Fifth, thinking it was a brilliant legal ploy, made Flyface his consigliere. Fifth wouldn’t make any decision without FlyFace’s advice.
On one occasion, Flyface and Fifth were thrown in jail for a trumped-up charge. Flyface demanded to have his law books given to him. Flyface set fire to his law books and, because the pages were soaked with a secret chemical, the flames released nitric oxide. The fumes killed two guards. But Flyface and Fifth stuffed cigarette filters up their nostrils. Then feigning unconsciousness, they saw their chance. Disguising themselves as fireman, they escaped from jail. For that he was named Defense Attorney of the Decade and now teaches at Harvard Law School.
In an interview last night with Tucker, who seemed annoyed by the flies hovering around his guest:
“Do you mind if I call you Flyface?”
As Flyface triggered the bug zapper hanging around his neck, he grimaced as the flies buzzed off: “
“Hey, wiseguy. Show some respect. Please don’t call me Flyface.”
Tucker: “Flyface, how will you defend a man who has been accused of paying off a ho who claims your client had sex with her?”
Flyface: “God is on Trump’s side. I will first bifurcate the jury. Once the devil worshipping liberals are separated from those who practice deviant sexual behavior, they will turn on each other. I will then ask the judge to declare a mistrial.”
“By-the way, asshole. Please don’t call me Flyface.”
Dr. Slim: “Trump is in good hands. Flyface is the best of the best. Impeccable credentials. Studied under Dershowitz at Harvard Law School.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Even the flies love him.”
