BROOKLYN - (Satire News) - In the midst of the city's political turmoil, a curious romantic entanglement has come to light. Margarita Mixx of Wild Whispers reports that Taffeta Mingalino, a 27-year-old Uber driver renowned for her beauty and sensuality, has been seeing Stromboli Goombalini, one of Brooklyn's most notorious Mafia hitmen.
According to Miss Mixx's sources, Stromboli has been boasting of his romantic conquest to anyone who will listen, enraptured by Taffeta's charms.
"She's a true beauty," he allegedly raved. "Legs that go on for miles, curves that could stop traffic, and a smile that could light up Brooklyn Bridge. Even Al Capone himself would rise from the dead just to catch a glimpse."
Taffeta's romantic history is equally intriguing. Miss Mingalino was previously married to Dr. Peter Peterson, a renowned expert in the art of lovemaking.
Despite his expertise, however, Peterson's signature move, the "Jockey on the Rocks with a Twist," just couldn't compete with Taffy's extensive repertoire. She's been known to leave men weak at the knees with her "Double Pumpernickel," "Cosmic Carrot Top," and even the "Upside-Down Pineapple Pudding Pop"!
SIDENOTE: Stromboli claims Taffy's skills could make the Kama Sutra look like a children's picture book. She's a one-woman circus, and every performance gets a standing ovation.
