TOPEKA, Kansas - (Satire News) - The state that is home to wheat, corn, barley, milo, sorghum, and a very rare species of hummingbird that does not hum has just made a major announcement.
The governor of the "Fly-Over" state of Kansas. Laura "Sweet Lips" Kelly, has let it be known that Kansas is not like California or Nevada, and she will be implementing a "Governor's Executive Action Bill" which will close down all of the state's lewd, crude, and lasciviously vulgar sex parlors.
The governor has made it known that if any of the state's 281 sex parlors ignore her executive action bill, she will have no choice but to have the state's National Guard go in and board up the premises, after burning all of the sex toys, including the Goliath strap-on dildos, which are unique to Kansas.
Gov. Kelly, who a state source that wants to remain anonymous, reportedly is so damn shy that she showers in the dark and with her bra and panties on.
