Reversion Therapy Yields Nashville Man Gender Pronouns and Clarity

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 13 January 2023

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Campbell Jessup has a newfound gender clarity and the PGPs (he/him/they) to prove it.

No stranger to self-reflection, 38-year-old Campbell Jessup of Nashville, Tennessee, reported being stumped when his 17-year-old niece, Candace (she/her), asked him what his "pronouns" were.

“I think I fell asleep during that part of English class," said Jessup. "I told her I’m really more of a verb person.”

Undeterred by his transparent attempts at deflection, Jessup’s niece patiently guided him through some of the various pronoun options, like “he,” “she,” “him,” “her,” and “they," emphasizing that these were just a sampling and that, in fact, Harvard University had identified over a dozen PGPs (personalized gender pronouns) covering a spectrum of gender and sexuality–including a good number, like “zie,” “hir,” and “zir,” with which Jessup was entirely unfamiliar.

It was at that point, said Jessup, that he realized he needed outside help.

Unsure where to turn, he sought Candace's advice. "She warned me to steer clear of conversion therapy, so I opted instead for perversion therapy – no, that couldn’t be right, could it? Reversion therapy, I think that’s it.”

Jessup ultimately enlisted the assistance of Steve (she/her), a mental health professional specializing in gender and LGTQ matters. “Steve was also an English major,” said Jessup, "which I figured would come in handy with the pronoun thing.”

Reversion therapy wasn’t easy (or cheap), nor was it quick, spanning years–but it did yield results, giving Jessup a gender clarity he’d previously been lacking. “I’d always suspected I was a man, but this confirmed it beyond any doubt. Testosterone out the wazoo, double-Y chromosome, you name it, I’ve got it. Pure man, through and through.”

Even better, Jessup came away from the therapeutic process with his very own set of PGPs, personally issued him by Steve. “Kind of like in Transcendental Meditation, where they give you a secret mantra. Except this was pronouns, and they’re not secret. In fact, I’m supposed to say them every time I introduce myself.”

And what are Steve’s hard-won PGPs?

“He and him, and Steve also threw in a ‘they’ just to give me some additional flexibility, which I appreciated," said Jessup. "That part cost a little extra, but it was worth it.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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