WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - President Biden spoke at a new conference and he informed the news media that he is proud to say that the US 7th Cavalry Regiment has just soundly defeated Putin's elite 69th Russian Bear Regiment.
The 7th is also known as Custer's Band of Commandos. POTUS added that within 2 hours of landing in the Ukraine, the 7th not only defeated the famed 69th, but they had also managed to capture 704 of their most experienced troops.
The president said that he did not want to give out too much information, but he did say that the 7th Armored Calvary is now moving up Highway 909, toward a communist stronghold, whose commander has vowed that they will engage America's 7th Cavalry and send them back to Fort Hood, Texas.
President Biden said that the fucked up Russian's better bring a lunch as he has instructed the commander of the 7th Cav, Brigadier General Guy Skippalino, to pursue the 69th and chase their evil invading asses all the way back across the Ukrainian - Russian border.