MOSCOW - (Satire News) - Russia's national news agency, The Kremlin Voice reports that due to their invasion of the peace-loving country of the Ukraine, they find themselves totally out of bottled drinking water.
A source close to President Vladimir Nikita Putin, says that the Russian people are having to drink Vodka in order to keep hydrated. Well, that's great for the adults, but the Russian kids are not happy campers to say the least.
One little Russian kid, named Nikki Soyeffski, 7, told his mom and dad that if they can't find him some bottled water and fucking soon, then he is going to take his iPad and his pet gerbil Foo Fi, and move to Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Turkmenistan, or Scotland.
Meanwhile Putinski is begging the countries of the world to please be nice and send him some bottled water for his fellow Russian's who already hate his dictatorial, evil, dipshit ass.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Damn, the balls on that fella. Is the leader of the Russian nation stupid, dumb, ignorant, arrogant or all four???]