NEW YORK CITY - (Satire News) - Every major news agency in the United States is reporting that the tide in the Russia-Ukraine War has turned; and turned big time.
The Alpha Beta News Agency has made it known that Putin is staying up late at night and crying like a hardcore alcoholic crying over a spilled beer.
A maid at the Putin Mansion, known as Casa Comrade, revealed that not only can Putty not sleep, he can't eat; except for McDonald's McNuggets, and he can't drink; except for Smirnoff's Vodka.
The reports filtering out of Ukraine say that Ukrainian armies are clobbering the invading Russkies, like a major league baseball pitcher whiffing a 97 mph fastball past a stunned little leaguer.
SIDENOTE: One of Europe's most prolific gamblers (Jean Claude DuFry of Paris) is giving 7 to 3 odds that the remaining Russian troops will surrender by Halloween.