WAXAHACHIE, Texas – (Satire News) – The News Blues News Agency has revealed that the two sorriest, shitiest, totally worthless US governors are Ron DeSantis of Florida, and Greg Abbott of Texas.
Reporter Velveeta Maracas recently conducted her very own gubernatorial poll and she learned that DeSantis and Abbott both have about as much business being the heads of two of the nation’s largest states, as that fat tub of lard, shitass former attorney general Bill Barr has of giving people advice on diets that work.
But as far as taking the cake (and the pie, and the empanadas goes) no one, NO ONE can touch the worst governor since little Mickey F. Muckafixa, of Alabama, who blatantly stole over $3.8 million from the Widows of World War 2 Veterans Fund, back in April of 1971.
And now King Abbott The Fucked Up, has just made it known to the state’s news media that he is planning on building a higher border wall constructed out of recycled tampons. WTF???
According to Miss Maracas, Abbot, is alleged to have openly stolen over $8.3 million from the state’s Food Stamp Program and purchased Cadillac Escalades, fishing boats, and high-priced call girls (whores) for lots and lots of his GOP supporters, cronies, and ass-kissers.