AUSTIN – (Satire News) – The Alpha Beta News Agency is reporting that Governor Greg Abbott has been issued a speeding ticket for going 17 miles over the allowed speed while sitting in his expensive wheel chair.
ABNA reporter Mimosa Sabrosa, stated that an officer with the APD, who was identified as Willie Horace Jefferson (Badge #9028047) issued the governor, who has more derogatory nicknames than his idol Donald Trump, a speeding ticket for $295.
Abbott, who reportedly smelled of Ben Gay, Compound W, Absorbine Jr., and Preparation H, denied that he was speeding and is demanding that officer Jefferson tear up the ticket or else be fired.
Several witnesses (at the Wille Nelson Shopping Mall) remarked that Abbott appeared to be under the influence of Ripple Wine, or maybe Avocado Margaritas.
"Greg The Human Dick" as millions of Texans call him, denied it saying that it was just a hoax and fake lies perpetuated by disgruntled black Democrats.
Meanwhile, Abbott has said that the threats he has been receiving from two drug cartels down in Honduras do not scare him one bit, because he carries a grenade launcher that is hidden underneath his wheel chair.