Biden To Tax Housewives' Imputed Income To Fund Spending Bill

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 5 November 2021

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BILLINGSGATE POST: With the President’s plan to fund his $3.5 trillion dollar social and infrastructure bill at zero net cost not going nowhere, he is now changing gears.

Biden, along with Nancy Poozleosi and Jen Psaki, have repeatedly tried to redefine what we understand by the “cost” of the proposed spending bill - claiming that a $3.5 trillion bill actually costs “zero” dollars because it is fully “paid for” by tax increases.

Because there was little support from liberal billionaires to go along with Biden’s plan to confiscate all of their wealth - Elon Musk said that he would set up an “Off Space” account and move his money there - it was necessary to shift gears and go with a new plan.

Today, the President and Nancy Poozleosi announced a sweeping tax proposal that would instead use the imputed income of American housewives to fund their plan.

Citing a study by Harvard economists who evaluated what a "full-time-stay-at-home" mother should make if she were paid for her labors, it is estimated that this hypothetical mother would earn approximately $134,120 per year. This amount was calculated by evaluating the earning power of the ten jobs comprising a mother's role, including cooking, janitoring, van driving, providing psychological help to husband and children, and performing various sex acts on her husband.

Interestingly, this might prove to be counter-intuitive. But since the husband would be required to pay his wife for her services, she would have to pay taxes on the amount, whether received or not. Milo Minderbinder used the same tactic to buy eggs in Malta for seven cents apiece, and sell them at a profit in Pianosa for five cents, as described in the satirical war novel Catch-22, written by Joseph Heller.

The genius of this is that it automatically gives full employment to millions of people who are currently listed as "unemployed." And by forcing taxes to be paid on the imputed income of all of these housewives, it will increase tax revenues by approximately $3,640,000,000,000 a year, as determined by the non-partisan Congressional Budget Committee. This is more than enough to fund the plan.

When a FOX NEWS reporter asked President Biden if he thought this would upset the white suburban housewives who voted for him, he replied:

“F*ck ‘em. I’m one and done anyway. All they do is watch soap operas all day and eat Bon-Bons. It’s about time they carry their own weight.”

The President then abruptly turned and walked away, leaving the gathered reporters yelling and screaming like Banshee rag pickers.

Dr. Slim: “The housewives shouldn’t mind. Most of them are bored anyway.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. An idle mind is the devil’s playmate.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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