Trump on golden showers

Funny story written by Charles Havers

Friday, 29 October 2021

image for Trump on golden showers
Donald Trump, bustin' some moves

Donald Trump stated that he was not into golden showers at a recent event he held with a roomful of his supporters. The comment was unprompted and not at all in context. Google “Trump and golden showers” if you think I’m making this up. Even a Spoof writer wouldn’t come up with something like that unless it were true.

There are at least two ways of understanding Trump’s remark. The first, and certainly the most sensible, is that this incident provides even more evidence of Trump’s mental instability—not because he is or is not into golden showers—but because of when and where he delivered his comments. It would have been one thing if he had been asked about rumors of Russians having evidence that Trump is into golden showers, but that wasn’t the case.

Someone noted that if your grandfather said a similar thing to a roomful of strangers, you would, at the very least, take his keys away. The National Republican Committee, of course, is not going to take Trump’s keys away. They are instead doing their best to see that he gets back the keys to the Oval Office in three years.

Maybe surprisingly, maybe not, I want to be charitable in my understanding of Trump. Is it not at least possible that Trump, for one of the few times in his life, is being reflective? The comment might be understood as Trump acknowledging that he understands he’s a POS, but offering as a partial defense that he is at least not into golden showers.

What’s next? Who knows, but it would probably be surprising if Trump came out with something like: “I’m not a zoophiliac” at a future event. He wouldn’t know what that meant. On the other hand, he might very well say something like “I’m not into sex with animals.”

It is also possible that other POSs, who are like Trump in too many ways, might adopt his golden showers defense. For example, Andrew Cuomo, the former golden boy governor of NY, has been just charged with criminal forcible touching, and one can easily imagine something like the following:

Judge: Mr Cuomo, you have been found guilty of forcibly touching. Do you have anything to say about your treatment of women?

Andrew Cuomo: “Say what you want, but I’m not into golden showers.”

That’s all for now. We will keep you posted.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more