PORTLAND, Oregon – (Satire News) – News reports out of Portland are reporting that two tremendously extreme hate groups clashed at a Walmart parking lot in downtown Portland.
Reporters said that at first the two groups were simply taunting each other verbally by calling each other names like jerks, punks, creeps, and sissies.
Then it escalated to using words and terms like bitches, bastards, Trumptards, ass kissers, and atheists.
Boom Boom News reporter Hacienda Fiddle remarked that all of a sudden a Proud Boy member sprayed polar bear spray on an antifa grandmother, who responded by taking her walker and whacking the PB over his head.
At that point two Antifa members hit the polar bear spraying shithead and peed on him, which only pissed the Proud Boy off even more (pun intended).
The crowd finally stopped fighting and dispersed after Portland police officers threatened to shoot napalm bombs at the entire bunch of mothereffen pieces-of-shit.
Meanwhile the Vice-Mayor of Portland, 19-year-old Mindy Quinty has put everyone on notice that any further outbursts will be met with bazookas loaded with horrendous-smelling reindeer crap.