Love Birds Guilty Of Inappropriate Sex Chatter: The Durham Report Alleges

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 13 August 2021

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BILLINGSGATE POST: After over two years and breathless speculation that John Durham would finally exonerate the Love Birds for engaging in inappropriate sexual chatter, it appears that the Justice Department will finally complete the long awaited report that was ordered by former Attorney General William Barr in May of 2019.

John Durham, who Barr assigned to this task, was described as the most ferocious prosecutor in the entire DOJ. None other than Sean Hannity of FOX NEWS described Durham as “meaner than a nun going through menopause.”

Durham, in his travels, racked up more mileage than Lassie. He personally interviewed everyone, from British spy Christopher Steele to the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, in his quest to find the truth.

Since it is impossible for the Justice Department to release anything factual, because It is against the DOJ code of ethics, it is estimated that over 12 million dollars was spent on the report, with not one cent being used for a necessity, other than food and drink. That amount was not even close to that racked up by Robert Mueller in his report; around 32 Extra-Large.

Although the Durham Report has not yet been released to the public, apparently only one person - a sad sack former FBI attorney - has been prosecuted. He was sentenced to one year of probation and awarded a Good Conduct Medal by the FBI for his obfuscation efforts.

However, BILLINGSGATE Special Investigative Reporter, Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler, having sifted through the DOJ security dumpster, found discarded pictures of the Love Birds laughing and giggling while trying on some of J Edgar Hoover’s wardrobe in the Hoover Memorabilia Closet.

Not since posing as Russian hookers in drag, when Slim and Dirty walked into the Hoover Building like they owned the joint, telling the receptionist that they were the Russian prostitutes who peed on Donald Trump's bed in the Moscow hotel, had he had so much fun.

In the infamous Christopher Steele dossier that was paid for by Hillary Clinton, the hookers were described as "Urinater 1" and "Urinater 2" . Their real names were Urina Uno and Urina Dos. Of Ukraine - Spanish descent, it was only the first of many coincidences mentioned in the report.

To be sure, and it has been stated many times, 99.6% of FBI agents are as pure as the fresh driven snow. It's only the ones who occupy the top floor who seem to go bad. The Love Birds fit that description: Early ripe. Early rotten.

Among the pictures Dirty recovered from the security dumpster was one of James Comey. Wearing a mixed ensemble featuring a feathered boa and a pink ruffled tulle with satin shrugs, he wobbled like a spavined Cockwomble in his three-inch hour glass heels with open toes.

Meanwhile, the Love Birds are sitting on their perches, pecking away until the Durham Report is finally released by the Department of Justice.

Dr. Slim: “Long time coming. Can’t wait until justice is done.”

Dirty: “Yo, Doctor. Should name it “Bull Durham Report.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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